i am done with the spring semester. WHEW. although i officially lost my 4.0. which i kinda hate. my smartness, my intelligence, is the only thing i have. and now it is gone. i don't have anything left that makes me special or anything. that was my defining thing. and it's gone. gone. gone. the experiemental psych class, i was a bit of a slacker at the last moment. i thought i could skate through it and busted my ass on the last exam. crack... and i got a B. then this stupid ass humanities class, i actually tried and still got a B. i want to strangle the professor. i honestly feel i deserved an A-. not a full A, but A-. i did deserve that. i tried harder than anyone else, i participated the most in class, and my mid term had a B grade, and my final was written even better than that... so wtf.
it's hard to me to accept this. having my As... that was my thing. and it is now gone. and i feel like crap. the thing is... my brain says i should feel like crap... but i feel nothing. i got an A in the hard ass biopsych class, and i feel nothing. i am one giant numb-ball. what the hell?? so weird. i'm not too sure what to think about that. i kinda don't care. i try to convince myself to become upset... but i get nothing. soooo... oh well. not going to worry about it.
i'm tired. i don't feel like writing much down right now. i have been in a weird place lately, and have been kinda pulling back from everything. i ride the horses as much as i can, and i swear i spend more time with my four legged friends than anyone else. i just don't like people. they suck. and i don't even feel like trying to finish that thought right now. i will later tho...
and thank you, to the reader who left that last comment about trolls and reading my blog :) it really made me smile. a real smile. i appreciate that so much :)
it's hard to me to accept this. having my As... that was my thing. and it is now gone. and i feel like crap. the thing is... my brain says i should feel like crap... but i feel nothing. i got an A in the hard ass biopsych class, and i feel nothing. i am one giant numb-ball. what the hell?? so weird. i'm not too sure what to think about that. i kinda don't care. i try to convince myself to become upset... but i get nothing. soooo... oh well. not going to worry about it.
i'm tired. i don't feel like writing much down right now. i have been in a weird place lately, and have been kinda pulling back from everything. i ride the horses as much as i can, and i swear i spend more time with my four legged friends than anyone else. i just don't like people. they suck. and i don't even feel like trying to finish that thought right now. i will later tho...
and thank you, to the reader who left that last comment about trolls and reading my blog :) it really made me smile. a real smile. i appreciate that so much :)
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2 comments:
Anne-
I was over at Edwina's Bp chat room and happened across your blog about your Bp roller coaster (my hypo infused originality is waning, heh heh). Wanted to start off by thanking you for sharing you musings and meanderings with the public. It's very courageous of you to start a blog on a topic that is still widely misconstrued and stigma-ed.
More specifically, I got a kick out of your post about not being about to stay on task. Ann, I do the exact same thing, jumping for one bit of research to another and frantically trying to get my term papers in. Can we help it if knowledge excites-- guess I'm a geek but i get a natural high from doing research for my english papers. Anyway, I couldn't help but to let out a little chuckle thinking ,"oh she's been there too!" Good luck on graduation Ann, I'm due for mine in two weeks. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
--Alex
Me, blogging with the rest of my internet generation... who would of guessed. Anyway Ann, remember that grades are like the paper they are written on: they decompose and no one remembers them. Electronic grading too, all fleeting. Don't let grades lead to your self validation. Not only are you making your way through college, your doing it while taking some tough classes (maybe tough is an understatement?). Keep moving forward and don't let some petty professors get in your way. Thanks again for the blog.
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