i've been doing fairly well without the Lamictal. except the past couple of days have caught up with me and now i clearly see the effects of not having that stupid pill. i am not enthusiastic about this AT ALL. i'm not sure what i should be doing with myself at this point. i had yesterday off from work and played hookief rom school plus i have today and tomorrow off as well. and now i am sitting here about to fly off the handle.
i think i will let my random things in my head out on to the laptop. i will try to keep it organized and making sense. but i feel right now i need to "free write" and not try to control the flow of what i am expressing for the sake or easy reading. please bear with me here...
okay. i'm sitting here and i am feeling tired and so i wanna sleep but then if i sleep i am gonna be lazy and not really get anything done today and i cant just keep sitting here because i am bouncing off the walls in my head so that isn't a good idea or anything like that and i feel nervous and anxious and rattled and fuzzy and fizzy and not clear and vague and out of it and disconnected in my head and stuff and that is rpetty annnoying generally and i really need to take my jiggly ass outside for a run or something but i am tired so i need to fdrink more coffee an i am kinda hungry too but the thing is i don't wanna take the time to eat and nothing sounds good and i can't take the time to eat so i drink coffee and then i sit here like so and try to study for the GRE but i cannot focus and i'm tired and i'm tired of being in the house so i kinda wanna go out but then again that takes too much effort so i don't but i am bored form being in the house so i should go out but the thing is i don't like any of my friends anymore because they have al managed to let me down, judge me, or somehow otherwise hurt me and so i am done with them for right now and everything because i know they talk shit and stuff and i don't wanna mess with any of that and still at the same time i am bored here sitting here and doing nothing but trying to study and then i can't study so then i sleep and that bugs me because when i sleep then i don't do shit and i waste my life away and i need to be studying but this day is long and pointless and i don't see the point in much right now oh and hells bells there is the whole stupid ass grad school issue to deal with as far as where to go and what to study to do a MS or PhD and then in experimental or biopsych and where to go to and the application process which means i need to kick ass on the GRE first and stuff and then get letters of recomendation together and get into PsiChi real quick so i can add that on my resume and there is so much shit i need to do and i am starting to panic about all of it and i had my mind set to go to Idaho State U but now i'm chicken shit about that and thinking maybe no, so then maybe Purdue or Indiana State U and then again if i did that still is that right for me where will i get the best edicationa and will they fully fund me because i need that since i am broke and stuff and iif i go to IdSU i can get published in my research that i do with them and that is good plus it is a smaller school in the mountains and i love that but still there is another personal issue that is somewhat related to the Idaho thing and i am thinking that may not be a good idea to haul my ass all the way out there and perhaps i should just stay in the midwest area which is closer to home but i want to be out there but it's far and everything and there is this thing with someone a personal issue that has me pretty frikin upset although i haven't cried which i am proud to say that i haven't or anything like that and i was let down in a big way again by a person and god damn i tell ya i am sick n tired of people ebing stupid and awful and then i get lonely sometimes like right now i am lonely but at the same time there isn't anyone in this state that i am in that i feel like being around so i am not going to do anything and instead just sit here like a cracked out freak not knowing what to do or anything and freaking out because her stupid ass BlackBerry phone cover she tried to replace her scratched up one with isn't going on right and she lost the bottom cover and so it looks funny and she's too anal to take the clear plastic off for fear of scratching the new cover even tho it looks ghetto because it's not on properly or anything and has a couple screws loose and stuff but still can't take the plastic off because it cannot get scratched and you know i should really take some ativan or something but my face is already tired and i could maybe go to sleep again anyhow but i need to go run but i don't want to be out in public and really man i sm starting to lose it a little bit and i hate this shit like this and i don't know what to do and i would like to escape my brain and get out of it for a minute but guess what i can't so ehre i am sitting all energized and kinda sorta flipping out but then also tired and foggy in my brain from not sleeping last night ... i don't want to be here. not hank you please. i'm trapped with school and having to make a decision soon adn study for the GRE and the fact i haven't i am such a lazy douchebag. i hatemyself right now for being a sloppy looking failure and for not working out like i should have been and everything is slipping through my fingers and i don't like any of it and why can't i have done it differently and not been jiggly or pale or anything like that i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this it's all stupid ass shit. and it's hot in this room and house because some people refuse to turn the AC on so it's humid because this is a nasty humid state and well i am feeling not so happy about being here and funcitoning when i am mildylt sticky all over. i'm done writing now i am tired of it and frusterated and i hate the flies that are landing on me from the doors being open. stupid house and stupid humidity and shit i need to go run or something but i am so tired i hate everything.
i think i will let my random things in my head out on to the laptop. i will try to keep it organized and making sense. but i feel right now i need to "free write" and not try to control the flow of what i am expressing for the sake or easy reading. please bear with me here...
okay. i'm sitting here and i am feeling tired and so i wanna sleep but then if i sleep i am gonna be lazy and not really get anything done today and i cant just keep sitting here because i am bouncing off the walls in my head so that isn't a good idea or anything like that and i feel nervous and anxious and rattled and fuzzy and fizzy and not clear and vague and out of it and disconnected in my head and stuff and that is rpetty annnoying generally and i really need to take my jiggly ass outside for a run or something but i am tired so i need to fdrink more coffee an i am kinda hungry too but the thing is i don't wanna take the time to eat and nothing sounds good and i can't take the time to eat so i drink coffee and then i sit here like so and try to study for the GRE but i cannot focus and i'm tired and i'm tired of being in the house so i kinda wanna go out but then again that takes too much effort so i don't but i am bored form being in the house so i should go out but the thing is i don't like any of my friends anymore because they have al managed to let me down, judge me, or somehow otherwise hurt me and so i am done with them for right now and everything because i know they talk shit and stuff and i don't wanna mess with any of that and still at the same time i am bored here sitting here and doing nothing but trying to study and then i can't study so then i sleep and that bugs me because when i sleep then i don't do shit and i waste my life away and i need to be studying but this day is long and pointless and i don't see the point in much right now oh and hells bells there is the whole stupid ass grad school issue to deal with as far as where to go and what to study to do a MS or PhD and then in experimental or biopsych and where to go to and the application process which means i need to kick ass on the GRE first and stuff and then get letters of recomendation together and get into PsiChi real quick so i can add that on my resume and there is so much shit i need to do and i am starting to panic about all of it and i had my mind set to go to Idaho State U but now i'm chicken shit about that and thinking maybe no, so then maybe Purdue or Indiana State U and then again if i did that still is that right for me where will i get the best edicationa and will they fully fund me because i need that since i am broke and stuff and iif i go to IdSU i can get published in my research that i do with them and that is good plus it is a smaller school in the mountains and i love that but still there is another personal issue that is somewhat related to the Idaho thing and i am thinking that may not be a good idea to haul my ass all the way out there and perhaps i should just stay in the midwest area which is closer to home but i want to be out there but it's far and everything and there is this thing with someone a personal issue that has me pretty frikin upset although i haven't cried which i am proud to say that i haven't or anything like that and i was let down in a big way again by a person and god damn i tell ya i am sick n tired of people ebing stupid and awful and then i get lonely sometimes like right now i am lonely but at the same time there isn't anyone in this state that i am in that i feel like being around so i am not going to do anything and instead just sit here like a cracked out freak not knowing what to do or anything and freaking out because her stupid ass BlackBerry phone cover she tried to replace her scratched up one with isn't going on right and she lost the bottom cover and so it looks funny and she's too anal to take the clear plastic off for fear of scratching the new cover even tho it looks ghetto because it's not on properly or anything and has a couple screws loose and stuff but still can't take the plastic off because it cannot get scratched and you know i should really take some ativan or something but my face is already tired and i could maybe go to sleep again anyhow but i need to go run but i don't want to be out in public and really man i sm starting to lose it a little bit and i hate this shit like this and i don't know what to do and i would like to escape my brain and get out of it for a minute but guess what i can't so ehre i am sitting all energized and kinda sorta flipping out but then also tired and foggy in my brain from not sleeping last night ... i don't want to be here. not hank you please. i'm trapped with school and having to make a decision soon adn study for the GRE and the fact i haven't i am such a lazy douchebag. i hatemyself right now for being a sloppy looking failure and for not working out like i should have been and everything is slipping through my fingers and i don't like any of it and why can't i have done it differently and not been jiggly or pale or anything like that i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this it's all stupid ass shit. and it's hot in this room and house because some people refuse to turn the AC on so it's humid because this is a nasty humid state and well i am feeling not so happy about being here and funcitoning when i am mildylt sticky all over. i'm done writing now i am tired of it and frusterated and i hate the flies that are landing on me from the doors being open. stupid house and stupid humidity and shit i need to go run or something but i am so tired i hate everything.
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1 comments:
It's time for a fish. A male paradise fish comes to mind. They are anabantoid, so you don't have to be religious about water changes, although you need a few drops of water treatment to neutralize the chemicals.
It's either that, a fighting fish, or a gourami. All are cheap, will live in a bowl, and make bubble nests for their intended mates at the surface of their water. No, you can't pet them, but you can talk to them; they'll even patiently listen to your conversation. A little food every day is all they ask for.
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