i am miss crnaky pants today. i am pissy and without patience and crap i just realized that since i got my medical insurance card in the mail yesterday i can now go and get me some Lamictal! holy hell this is some really great news. coolio.
but still, i am miss cranky pants. lets blame this shit on mr. stress. he's a real big jerk face. and i am cranky. and pissy. and i don't want to be around anyone or do anything. i am stressed from the GRE exam next month, and so all i want to do is study for it. nevermind my german classes, i don't want those. i am being totally and completely obsessive over this GRE thing. i'm annoying myself. i don't want to do german. i don't want to try to do it. i don't want to do anything else in my day except try to study and then if i am not studying i get antsy and paranoid and stuff and that doesn't go over very well for anyone now does it? no it doesn't. i don't want to go out to a friend's house tonight. we haven't spoke much in a while, it will be awkward, and there will be a bunch of people there i don't want to see or that i don't know. i'm just not up for it, plus i hate having to drive an hour into town to get there and an hour back. i'm tired and i want to study. i'm sure i sound selfish, and i am even more sure she won't understand, but i have been stressing out ALL DAY over going and stuff and when i think to myself "then just don't go" i relax... A LOT. and that is important to me. not being stressed over making a trip somewhere. but, it's gonna piss her off and everything, but... i also need to do what is best for me. she won't understand, i'm certain of it. it really sucks. we used to be good friends but faded apart once i needed "me" time and went back to school and study like a crazy person. after we grew apart, now it's weird, she blames me, etc. and i don't have the energy to put into that kind of drama or function. i don't. so... long story short, i'm probably not going to go, and she is not going to speak to me again. and right now, i'm tired and studying for my GRE for my god damn graduate school which is my future and i don't wanna go so i'm not gonna go and she's gonna hate me. oh well. i can't please everyone, and right now, call me a selfish bitch, but i am only trying to please myself because i am the most important. selfish? probably. but oh well. i guess i am just a big selfish jerk face like that. whatever.
oh, and i'm cranky and edgy and a little spazzy and about to choke down some ativan to help chill me out. god dammit this sucks butt.
but still, i am miss cranky pants. lets blame this shit on mr. stress. he's a real big jerk face. and i am cranky. and pissy. and i don't want to be around anyone or do anything. i am stressed from the GRE exam next month, and so all i want to do is study for it. nevermind my german classes, i don't want those. i am being totally and completely obsessive over this GRE thing. i'm annoying myself. i don't want to do german. i don't want to try to do it. i don't want to do anything else in my day except try to study and then if i am not studying i get antsy and paranoid and stuff and that doesn't go over very well for anyone now does it? no it doesn't. i don't want to go out to a friend's house tonight. we haven't spoke much in a while, it will be awkward, and there will be a bunch of people there i don't want to see or that i don't know. i'm just not up for it, plus i hate having to drive an hour into town to get there and an hour back. i'm tired and i want to study. i'm sure i sound selfish, and i am even more sure she won't understand, but i have been stressing out ALL DAY over going and stuff and when i think to myself "then just don't go" i relax... A LOT. and that is important to me. not being stressed over making a trip somewhere. but, it's gonna piss her off and everything, but... i also need to do what is best for me. she won't understand, i'm certain of it. it really sucks. we used to be good friends but faded apart once i needed "me" time and went back to school and study like a crazy person. after we grew apart, now it's weird, she blames me, etc. and i don't have the energy to put into that kind of drama or function. i don't. so... long story short, i'm probably not going to go, and she is not going to speak to me again. and right now, i'm tired and studying for my GRE for my god damn graduate school which is my future and i don't wanna go so i'm not gonna go and she's gonna hate me. oh well. i can't please everyone, and right now, call me a selfish bitch, but i am only trying to please myself because i am the most important. selfish? probably. but oh well. i guess i am just a big selfish jerk face like that. whatever.
oh, and i'm cranky and edgy and a little spazzy and about to choke down some ativan to help chill me out. god dammit this sucks butt.
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I just clicked "can relate" to this post, because my spouse very much lives the daily journey of bipolar. I have been feeling inspired to write about that lately... and I just may do that.
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