Crap. Literally.

I think I've mentioned the thing with laxatives before. This is all kinda "gross" and perhaps more than anyone really needs to know... but then again it's the truth so whatever...

At any rate, this laxative thing is a problem I think. I am EXTREMELY constipated and feel nasty and bloated. The only way I can go #2 is if I take a laxative. Well it was only one laxative needed. Now only one pill won't produce anything other than a small bit that doesn't even go out easily. If you know anything about poo, the shape of this is how it looks when someone is dehydrated/constipated fairly well. In order to get anything worth my while out I have to take 2 pills, and what I excrete is not even remotely "loose".

Now my stomach is extended and I feel bloated and gross. My gut feels "full" and hurts sometimes. I have a feeling I should fix this somehow. I Googled "laxative abuse symptoms" and well folks, it looks like I may be in that category. I also found out that laxative abuse crap is an "eating disorder". Lovely. And that page led me to another which had something to the extent of binge eating. My weird issues with food, well I never talk about them to anyone, even on here, but dammit all to hell if I'm not a dead ringer for that as well. I do the binging in private and eat food until I'm sick, feel ashamed, don't tell anyone, feel horrid and repressed afterward andvthen try to throw up, but my gag reflex is broken.

I have a health doctor appointment tomorrow at the campus clinic to get a new Rx for the pill. While I'm there, I'm going to share with the doc person what is up with my gut and my eating habits. Hopefully doc can help with a solution. Or something. I don't know. What I do know is that I feel disgusting and have put the activities with my "special friend" on hold because I'm so self-loathing my body that I don't want to be naked around anyone. I'm avoiding taking a shower because I don't even want to be around myself. This really sucks ass.



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