Paranoid Much?

Part of me knows I might be a little off in my interpretations... But that doesn't stop me feeling this way, and the part of me that does feel this way convinces the part of me that thinks I may be off in my feelings that it's wrong.

To get to the point... Well I'm fairly certain that everyone at work has I'll feelings toward me. Even the people that are nice and chatty with me, well as soon as I turn my back they talk about me and make fun if me and find it hilarious that I think they actually like me based on the fact we chat and whatnot. I can see it in there faces when they talk to me, their eyes make fun of me. I'm a joke to everyone. Not surprising since I'm nutty and act nutty half the time when I get all weird and chatty or hyperaggressive or something stupid. And when I get super wound up and chatty I'm sure I annoy them but when I get all hyper and chatty it's really hard for me to stop myself so I keep going and make a fool out of myself and by annoying them they have more reason to mock me behind my back.

I have a semi-secluded desk in the back of the store and I am mostly left to my own devices. Which is nice. The bathroom and water fountain are at the front of the store though.... So frequently I have to walk up front. I get so damn freaked when customers talk to me or look at me, so I take off my identification and walk up front as a normal nonemployee. I hate walking in public. Those bastard customers are mocking me, the other employees make fun of me, and the male customers are violating me with their eyes and I hate it and when I get to the bathroom I usually sit in the stall a while because I don't want to have to walk back to my desk. I hate this shit. I hate people hating me and making fun of me. I want to go home. Right now. Even the managers don't like me. I know it. Why can't I be s cooler prdon that people like? Dammit all to hell.




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