Bah.

That about sums it up.

I'm doing this half nutty half depressed shit here. Pretty annoying. It's a flux between clinically depressed to out of control horny throughout the day. Angry sarcastic aggression spans both mood types. It's hard for me to be at work when I'm like this.

There is also that feeling of being incredibly unsettled. No matter what I'm doing, it's wrong, doesn't feel right, and I don't feel safe. It feels like the core of my chest is vibrating (small and fast) and it can't sit still.

I have zero interest in school and have been obsessing with the graphics I'm making for my iPhone. Now that it's almost done, I feel like a fool. Not because it turned out bad, but because I spent time doing it. I'm kinda stupid for that. But I don't care about school right now. Hell I don't care about anything. I've been dandy with staying at home and doing the graphic shit or watching reruns of House and Scrubs that I've seen 5+ times. It's all I want to watch. Don't ask why. But now that this stupid "unsettled" shit has cropped up, I don't feel okay even when I
home.

I'm exhausted all the time, even when I take Adderall. Concentration is a thing of the past. Which may be why I'm not interested on school. Hm.

I'm miserable about my physical appearance.

I need to clean my boots.

In general I'm so stressed and unsettled or obsessing about stupid shit (ie graphics for my phone) that I can't even sit and talk to someone on the phone. Or call my Grams out in California. Which makes me feel like s douche.

So all I'm doing here is bitching which clearly won't solve anything.

The mess have been stable so it can't be that. I dropped two classes recently to reduce stress but apparently that wasn't enough.

Fuck it.




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