I have had 2 whole days off from work. I had A LOT of things planned to get done. What have I gotten done? Not a damned thing. I've been posted at my laptop pretty much all day and still NOTHING accomplished. I'm distractible as fuck, bouncing from one activity to another, ranging from looking at shirts here and there, this kind then that kind, earrings, rings, new Ariat boots, looking up articles on PubMed but being to ADD to sit and read the whole thing, starting to actually study then getting distracted again, etc. I'm pissed. I want to throw my head through the wall, head first. Want to scream. I hate this shit. And my arms and legs have energy flowing through them and I want to stretch and move but I need to accomplish things and I'm too weirded out to go to the gym even though I need to go to the gym and I want to go to the gym because I HATE my naked body and I want to look cute and attractive but I'm too much of a fucking idiot to actually get myself to *go* to the gym so I sit here and try not to eat to make up for the fact I'm not going to the gym and it's all so damn stupid. And still my brain is scattered as fuck and I'm borderline seriously going to actually scream and not too sure what to do and panicked that the shit I need to get done isn't getting done and I'm fucking freaked and spazzed and that kind of ridiculous shit.

I hate this feeling. And I have to pee. And I ate a bunch of veggies and now I'm hungrier now than I was before I ate the veggies (which was approx 45 minutes ago) what the hell is up with that??? Seems kinda backwards and my legs are still itching to move and kick and I hate this crap.

I couldn't remember if I took my afternoon lamotrigine pill so I took one an hour ago. I'm a little nervous that it may have been my third one today and I will suffer unbearable vivid dreams tonight and that possibility is just plain damn awful but I couldn't choose between getting my brain unbalanced from only taking one pill or having a terror filled night from taking three pills. This particular conundrum pisses me off ya know. I'm highly considering taking some vicodin. Lorazepam will relax me, but I don't want to just sleep. Vicodin comes with the pleasant high/euphoric feeling which I could definitely use right now seeing as how I am freaking out a bit and not like in a euphoric kind of way and the whole wanting to throw my body head first through a wall kind of thing. Yes. Vicodin it is.