Same as yesterday about this time. This morning wasn't so awful, I was doing alright. And here we are past noon and headed toward the evening and I'm right back where I was when I made the posts yesterday, having the same emotions and shit, if anything, they have been amplified a bit.
I'm back in the rubber-banded-circle too.
Thinking about today being Wednesday... flipping out. Thinking about going back to work next Wednesday... flipping out. It is currently a hell inside of my own head. I want out. I want to escape. But I can't find the exit door.
I need to be conscious. I have things I have to do. No lorazepam coma right now. Although last night when I took it, it didn't make me tired, and only took some of the edge off the crazy. The effect lorazepam has on me is one way I can judge how retarded my brain is being.
So fuck, I may take some more here in a minute. I did take another 100mg of Lamictal. I don't know for sure if I took my noon time dose, I think I did because I remember recently swallowing a nasty pill with my lemonade (apart from doing it once this morning when I woke up) so I'm fairly certain this was dose #3. Maybe this will be good for right now, I'll be in a better frame of mind to go to the diesel truck pulls with my sister tonight. Not sure if I have mentioned much of my personal likings and things outside of the crazy-factor. Well, I'm more of a country girl with the jeans, tshirts, boots, love for horses, my own giant Cummins diesel truck, and a severe addiction to pretty much anything with a Cummins in it. LOVE IT. Then there's the neuroscience passion. And the artsy side. And the computer geeky side with writing HTML code, modding and theming the iPhones, the classy and well dressed side... yeah so I'm a little bit of whatever.
Back on point. Diesel truck pulls tonight. I told sister I would go with her. So the extra Lamictal needs to work like right now. And I'll also hook it up with a bit of lorazepam. Since extra doses of Lamictal always make me drowsy, I may whip up some iced coffee here in a minute for the sake of remaining conscious. Thank my lucks ass stars I don't have to travel far to the truck pulls... they are at the county fair grounds, which the outer edge of the grounds are on the other side of the road as the outer edge of our property. So it's not like I'm taking a freaking trip. Which is why I cannot cancel on her even if my head is retarded for hell's sake it's 30 seconds away. There's no reason to be a pansy ass weirdo and not go.
I'm back in the rubber-banded-circle too.
Thinking about today being Wednesday... flipping out. Thinking about going back to work next Wednesday... flipping out. It is currently a hell inside of my own head. I want out. I want to escape. But I can't find the exit door.
I need to be conscious. I have things I have to do. No lorazepam coma right now. Although last night when I took it, it didn't make me tired, and only took some of the edge off the crazy. The effect lorazepam has on me is one way I can judge how retarded my brain is being.
So fuck, I may take some more here in a minute. I did take another 100mg of Lamictal. I don't know for sure if I took my noon time dose, I think I did because I remember recently swallowing a nasty pill with my lemonade (apart from doing it once this morning when I woke up) so I'm fairly certain this was dose #3. Maybe this will be good for right now, I'll be in a better frame of mind to go to the diesel truck pulls with my sister tonight. Not sure if I have mentioned much of my personal likings and things outside of the crazy-factor. Well, I'm more of a country girl with the jeans, tshirts, boots, love for horses, my own giant Cummins diesel truck, and a severe addiction to pretty much anything with a Cummins in it. LOVE IT. Then there's the neuroscience passion. And the artsy side. And the computer geeky side with writing HTML code, modding and theming the iPhones, the classy and well dressed side... yeah so I'm a little bit of whatever.
Back on point. Diesel truck pulls tonight. I told sister I would go with her. So the extra Lamictal needs to work like right now. And I'll also hook it up with a bit of lorazepam. Since extra doses of Lamictal always make me drowsy, I may whip up some iced coffee here in a minute for the sake of remaining conscious. Thank my lucks ass stars I don't have to travel far to the truck pulls... they are at the county fair grounds, which the outer edge of the grounds are on the other side of the road as the outer edge of our property. So it's not like I'm taking a freaking trip. Which is why I cannot cancel on her even if my head is retarded for hell's sake it's 30 seconds away. There's no reason to be a pansy ass weirdo and not go.
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