Still the same; 200mg Lamictal just doesn't cut it. I can't keep a thought in my head and I'm ADD as frick. School work and studies? Ha. Yeah right. Well that's eff-ing fantastic really. Next Tues classes start, and my retarded self popped into graduate courses while I do my honors research thesis. All while I cannot stare at the same screen on my laptop without bouncing around... and forget about reading abilities. Let's face it, while I usually try to remain as positive as I possibly can about things, especially on here believe it or not (because actually typing the real bad stuff makes it permanent and in a way I don't want to give in and actually acknowledge the shitty feelings), so I'll be real for a sec... I'm not happy. Most of the time, not really. It's a struggle and more often than not I don't know what the hell I am struggling for. The point? Beats the shit out of me more often than not. But I'm a stubborn ass and won't quit. So instead I push myself and go half fucking bonkers in the process. I'm not making any sense right now. Nevermind.
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4 comments:
You're making a lot of sense, and I think anyone would understand whay you're unhappy.
You're fighting a tough battle, but you're winning the war, even if it sometimes doesn't seem that way. You're having a setback, but all things change. I think they'll get better.
Thank you :o)
It means a lot.
My inability to concentrate and the impact it was having on my work continuity was what originally sent me to the shrink's office. It's a terrible thing to know you're more than capable of doing something yet feel fogged and incapable of doing it on demand. In my case, ADD (primarily inattentive) and Bipolar 2 were the diagnosis. I'm still not sure where one ends and the other begins or if ADD is 'merely' one of the symptom of bipolar. Adderall worked brilliantly for a while. And then it stopped.
Hi, we haven't officially 'met' before - i spent the last two years on lamictal, what you're describing really jumped out at me and i can so totally relate. I remember having these moments of real resentment and feeling that some of the most useful bits of my mind seemed to be being robbed from me? NO (short term) memory. I figure, often, it's like 35% of my daily energy is used up just trying to 'manage' it all before I even get started? So - even though am out there working hard to have productive and meaningful life, noone ever really seems to understand how much work goes into it. Think we should have alot more kudo's for that. Anyways, just wanted to say hey, and hi, and one foot in front of the other type stuff...:)
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