I'm still alive, just not typing that much on here. I'm stupid busy with school and that pesky full-time job.
Cliff Notes? Hm.
1. The females at work are wearing me out. It's ridiculous. Two are my boss, one is the part time associate that works the two days I work, and the other three are in a different position but that work in close proximity to what I do. They are clique-ish are drama-bound. It's disgusting. And on days when I am feeling a little off my rocker, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Which is annoying. And causes problems (sorta, they may be mostly in my paranoid head, who the hell really knows) when I'm more stable than anything. I keep vowing to keep my mouth shut at work ALWAYS... but it doesn't always work out that way. I'm a stubborn jackass who doesn't like to take shit from bitches, yet I also want to please and gain the approval of the two "bosses" because I'm a pathetic "pleaser" in that I want to be an excelling associate/employee/competent worker. Naturally I have quite a conflict going on between wanting to let the jackass smart-ass out and mock the idiots versus wanting to excel and please them. Often I find myself doing both. But the backstabbing and game playing and all of that shit is wearing on me emotionally.
2. School is overwhelming. Grad classes, a pharm class, my honors seminar and the honors research thesis. Then studying for the GRE and applying to real grad school this fall. I'm about this close to screaming.
3. Today sucked ass. I feel weird and "off", I'm half off of my rocker, pissed, and wanting to fly in a million directions. So with an ASS-TON of shit to do I sit here for the past two nights not doing anything fucking productive which only makes the shit I feel even worse and the stress level rise which makes everything a lot more stupid.
I need to go study now. Or something.
Cliff Notes? Hm.
1. The females at work are wearing me out. It's ridiculous. Two are my boss, one is the part time associate that works the two days I work, and the other three are in a different position but that work in close proximity to what I do. They are clique-ish are drama-bound. It's disgusting. And on days when I am feeling a little off my rocker, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Which is annoying. And causes problems (sorta, they may be mostly in my paranoid head, who the hell really knows) when I'm more stable than anything. I keep vowing to keep my mouth shut at work ALWAYS... but it doesn't always work out that way. I'm a stubborn jackass who doesn't like to take shit from bitches, yet I also want to please and gain the approval of the two "bosses" because I'm a pathetic "pleaser" in that I want to be an excelling associate/employee/competent worker. Naturally I have quite a conflict going on between wanting to let the jackass smart-ass out and mock the idiots versus wanting to excel and please them. Often I find myself doing both. But the backstabbing and game playing and all of that shit is wearing on me emotionally.
2. School is overwhelming. Grad classes, a pharm class, my honors seminar and the honors research thesis. Then studying for the GRE and applying to real grad school this fall. I'm about this close to screaming.
3. Today sucked ass. I feel weird and "off", I'm half off of my rocker, pissed, and wanting to fly in a million directions. So with an ASS-TON of shit to do I sit here for the past two nights not doing anything fucking productive which only makes the shit I feel even worse and the stress level rise which makes everything a lot more stupid.
I need to go study now. Or something.
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3 comments:
first of all, i just wanted to say that i really like your blog, i found it about 3 weeks ago. this is going to be a very strange a question for you, but did you ever study abroad? the reason i ask is because i am studying abroad at the moment and i was diagnosed w/ bpI, but I am finding that, somehow, it is very therapeutic being here. it's like my brain is having to work differently--it feels more open, strangely-- in order to comprehend and attempt to communicate in a different language. just wondering. it was just a thought that came to mind and perhaps i am slightly more impulsive at the moment, hence my sharing it with you. good luck with everything
Holy Shit! You have a lot on your plate! How do you do it? I just want to say that you really inspire me. I'm Bipolar type 2, although the mania doesn't show up that often. Which sucks - I love MANIA! I'm usually in a spiraling pit of doom which makes me unable to work, muchless school or anything else for that matter. You Fucking ROCK!
@Anon: I haven't studied abroad, although I would LOVE to go to Germany. Right now I am considering a couple graduate schools in Canada (I'm in the US), and for the same reasons you described. While it isn't a different language, it is a bit different culture. I really want to leave this country for a bit and experience something different. The only thing holding me back is my family; I'd hate being so far away from them.
@Valentine: hahahaha thank you :) You definitely made me laugh out loud. I use the word "rock" a lot in the same context, but don't know many other people that do that as well!!
Very glad to inspire :) hell that's one of the main reasons I type this darn thing :)
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