I was late today with my afternoon Lamictal dose. I am frustrated to no end with this particular situation. Yes, I am thankful as all hell that someone invented this lovely formula, *but* I am utterly pissed off that I turn into a nutter-butter if even 2 hours late on the afternoon dose. I am working today, so I took my morning dose at 5:30am, which makes being late for my noon dose more "noticeable". This feeling, this crazed business, it's lousy. I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I hate being out of my damn mind. I hate being so volatile. I hate not being "me", watching myself from a third person perspective as I act like a raving jackass. Super fun really.
Last week I took three graduate course exams over three days. Saturday was my Psych/subject GRE. I just about pulled my hair out. It's stressful as all hell. If I didn't have to pull a 40 hour a week job... this would be so much simpler. On a positive note, my research thesis project thingy is moving along. I am a couple hours away from completing the EPrime file (the program to run on the computer). Once that is complete I will run a few trials using other lab people or my sister, and then be good to go. I believe I will start running actual experimental subjects this Friday. I hope. I'm going to try to finish the file tonight and then open up the schedule and cross my fingers that folks will want to sign up!
I will find out how I did on my exams this Friday, I hope. I have my pharmacology exam tonight and I am feeling confident I will kick its ass. The psych GRE results take six weeks. Which is madness, I tell you, madness. This whole GRE business plays a significant role in my graduate school applications. I'm anxious to know where I stand.
This is kinda my future. It will determine where I go to school (obviously), what specifically I study, who I work with, my faculty mentor, the lab I work in, etc. It's going to direct my career. And I'm chillin' here not having a damn clue about any of it. I will start submitting applications soon. I need to wrap up my personal statement. And update my entirely too old CV. I need to wrangle letters of recommendations, which by the way, I don't know who the hell I am going to recruit for that. I'm at a loss. Of course the professor whose lab I work in, and I know he will give my a lovely review. I kick ass in there. And I have the neatest honors project of the folks, well at least the best chance of getting published. I suppose the "neat" factor is totally subjective. Being published on the other hand, regardless of how interesting one finds my experiment, being published is badass. Especially as an undergraduate student. And if I can present at a conference, even better. I need to secure these things ASAP so hopefully I can include some of this info on my CV before I send it to potential programs.
I have a shit-ton to do.
I am typing this from my truck in the parking lot at work. I can use my cell phone as a wi-fi router and access the interwebs from my laptop. It's pretty rad really. I can also set my laptop up in my office at work and watch/listen to video lectures. I use Open Courseware, particularly courses from MIT. They have superb faculty. Which I suppose isn't terribly shocking. It's an awesome way to branch my neuroscience and molecular biology knowledge. The ability to do that is one thing I do love about my job. The next two weeks at the job though are going to be insane. The audit is coming up, persons have left certain positions the get audited, and because I know all of these positions and nobody else in the store does (I perform them better than the persons who left as well), they look to me to fix things. At the same time I complete my current job. I want to please them, I want to get a good "grade" on the audit, and I want to be helpful. I try to take on too much (a seriously fault of mine) and end up going half-mad in the process. My sister's position will be audited too. I'm trying to clean up her business as well. She's relatively new to the spot and didn't have sufficient training to begin with. It's a messy situation and the last thing I want id for her to not make the grade.
I have bipolar disorder which is a total blast. No, I do not write in this blog for pity or to wallow in my troubles. I blog for two reasons: 1.) It is incredibly therapeutic for me since I don't talk to anyone face to face about these things, and 2.) my words sometimes help others who are rocking out with similar issues. Which is rad. I'm all about some teamwork here.
I'm not out on a mission to offend your delicate sensibilities. So if you don't like something I write, I suggest you pull the panties out of your bum and exit the blog. Nasty comments aren't cool, and they make me cry.