I'm behind as hell in school. I cannot concentrate. Or focus. It's driving me insane. I try SO DAMN HARD to force my brain to grasp a concept, and I try to get it to focus and absorb the information I want it to, but my head feels lost in a fog, it's hard to get in contact with, and there is a thick layer of cotton and jello strips (like lasagna noodles) around my hippocampi preventing anything I try to teach myself from getting stored in long term memory. It affects my working memory too. It's stupid. I've wasted SO much time today, not getting SHIT done for school, for grad apps, for the GRE, nothing. I HAVE DONE FUCKING NOTHING. And I've been at my desk since 10am. I would have been at the desk sooner, but my stupid ass slept.
This is driving me crazy. I don't know what the hell. I'm panicky inside. And not just because I'm behind, well of course part of that is involved, but it's beyond that "normal" kind of panic. It's mixed with the "crazy" bits of rapidly-escalating-type panic. And yeah, sucks ass.
I have bipolar disorder which is a total blast. No, I do not write in this blog for pity or to wallow in my troubles. I blog for two reasons: 1.) It is incredibly therapeutic for me since I don't talk to anyone face to face about these things, and 2.) my words sometimes help others who are rocking out with similar issues. Which is rad. I'm all about some teamwork here.
I'm not out on a mission to offend your delicate sensibilities. So if you don't like something I write, I suggest you pull the panties out of your bum and exit the blog. Nasty comments aren't cool, and they make me cry.